it’s super cold, rainy and dreary. the “i don’t wanna get out of bed” kind of weather. the “bad mood” weather. the worst weather. the “summer come back to me i miss you” weather.

it’s also super duper quiet in milly tonight. and i can hear the lord just a bit louder in this moment.

i love talkin to him; listening, eh not so much. i’ve felt distant from him for the past couple of weeks — not because he’s a distant father, but because i tend to be a distant daugther. but without fail, he’s always there. in the same exact spot, just waiting for me to run to him and tell him all about my day. he loves the details. he wants to hear about the best parts, and the worst parts. he’s ALWAYS on time. ALWAYS reliable. ALWAYS present. such a comforting feeling to know my Father holds me, even when i try to run or set him on the shelf for a few weeks.

he’s always teaching me something. tonight — it’s letting go.

i feel like i try to hold it all in my clenched, full, sweaty hands. and when He says, “sam, give it to me, walk away, say no.” “I’ve got it, im good, let me handle it, i know the situation better than you.” i say. i just picture Jesus belly laughing at that response. thinkin i know myself better than my creator does. lol.

so when he asks you to surrender, do just that — surrender. because He knows you, oh so well.

if you need a sweet reminder of that, go listen to “you know me” by steffany gretzinger.

  • he knows who you need when you need them.
  • he knows what season you’re about to walk through. he knows just precisely how to prepare you for that specific season. let Him prepare you the way He see’s best fit.
  • he knows whether or not you should be with that boy.
  • he knows whether or not that should be your major.
  • he knows whether or not that friendship is gonna last or not.
  • he knows the grade that you are going to get in that class before you even step foot in that class!!!!
  • he knows your anxious heart, and he knows just how to handle it all. what a beautiful thing.
  • he knows just how to comfort us.
  • he knows. he knows. he knows.

so let him know and be still. let him hold you and be still. let yourself implicity trust your Father, your creator, your dad.

and when he takes — praise him. when there’s so much going on, it feels like a whirlwind is going on all around you — rest. when you’re drained — let him hold you, let him fill you back like only He can. because when we try to fill ourselves back up, we end up right back where we started, unfulfilled, exhausted, sweaty hands, way in over our heads, weak, and completely crippled.

and the funny thing is, you probably will have absolutely no idea what He’s doing, but that’s the best thing about trust. trust him when you’re so confused, when you look around and think “Jesus, i don’t get it, but you do, and because of that, i will be okay.”

psalm 62:7-8: “trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

at all times. at all times. at all times. trust in him at all times. a commandment, not a question, not a suggestion.




I got to have dinner the other night with a sweet sweet friend I do ministry with. As we started talking, she began to pour her heart out to me and I listened to her talk about her self worth, and not feeling enough and my heart broke. The thing that hurt the most though is when she said “How do I make it go away?”At this point I was a loss of words. As someone who has struggled big time with my self worth for years, it honestly hasn’t gone away. I struggle daily with feeling enough. I walked away from the conversation repeating those words over and over “how do I make these thoughts go away?” I had no answer to that question. But than ever so softly — ever so gently, the Lord whispered to me, “my beloved, my child Sam, you delight in me, that is how those thoughts go away!!!”

Satan is constantly speaking negativity into me. Whether it be through social media, or friends who seem to have it all together, I am constantly comparing myself to someone. And it sucks, because it strips away all the joy I have in me, because when my focus shifts to myself , I lose sight of Jesus.

When I am comparing myself to a someone who is “prettier” than me, I am not delighting myself in the Lord.

When I am 56 profiles deep in someone’s Instagram, telling myself that since they get 300 likes on a picture, there life must be perfect, I am not abiding in the love of Jesus

When I don’t feel enough because my satisfaction is coming from how others see me, I have lost sight of how my Father sees me who created me, who knit me together in my mothers womb, who knowns every intricate detail of my being, who delights in me, who longs for me sit at His feet and be completely enamored by Him and his glory.

So back to the thoughts, they stop when we take our focus off ourselves and take delight in the fact that our Father chooses us day in and day out, calls us by name, and his biggest desire is to just pour every ounce of love into our being.

You are His child. You are His beloved. He cherishes every little thing about you. He delights in you. He sings over you. He can’t stop looking at you because of how beautiful you are.

Zephaniah 3:17 — “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” When He is in our midst, the negativity, the comparison, the feelings of not meeting people’s expectations comes to a halt because we know He is here with us and that is all that will matter. Cling to him.IMG_4695

The thoughts — they cease when you are captivated by the Father and His love for you.

loving people

its September. my favorite season is just a few weeks away. the air is getting just a little bit cooler. stores are filled with leaves and pumpkins and orange. I’m back with all my favorite people. new year. new opportunities. clean slate. fall is just really good. and day by day the Lord is revealing a little bit more of His goodness to me.

i had one of my best friends call me out big time last year. she knows me inside and out so she definitely has the privilege of doing so. “it’s a pride thing,” she said. i immediately wanted to hang up the phone. that hurt a whole lot — more than anything, it hurt my pride to hear my best friend say i struggle with pride.

—-being right feels really good, but often times being right trumps loving people well. it’s impossible to love those around you if all you care about is having the right answer. just because someone is handling something differently doesn’t mean they’re wrong. it means they are not you. it means they are created differently than you. it means they are unique. people have different convictions than you and that’s okay. people handle life differently and that’s really okay. loving those around you has absolutely nothing to do with whether you agree with them. as a matter of fact, most of the time you probably won’t agree — love them anyway.

“humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” — James 4:10

when did Jesus ever command we have to agree to love well? never. So whether they are voting for Hilary instead of Trump, or if they are Jewish, or Catholic or Atheist, or simply they are choosing to live life a little differently than you — love them.

Lord, take my prideful, selfish heart and fill it with grace and mercy. Allow me to see others the way you see them. They are your children and you love them a whole lot more than I could ever imagine. Break me of my pride. Whatever it takes Jesus — more delight.

* * *  Convenient love is not found anywhere in the footnotes – John Piper




today i went to the doctors because my mom was worried about how stressed i’ve been. let me repeat: i literally went to the doctors because stress. the doctor didn’t prescribe me with anything, but advised me to slow down. i literally drove all the way to the doctors for her to tell me two simple words. i wanted some medicine or something to give me some energy. but she gave me what i needed to hear, rest.

such simple words. “slow down” i feel like i am constantly doing something. giving something. pouring out something. which is great. the Lord calls us to do these things, to be encouragers, supports, to be involved in our community. and when we are overwhelmed it means that we are being used for His glory.

but so often, when my cup is drained and empty, my last resort is the feet of Jesus, when that should be my first. being overwhelmed isn’t a bad thing. exhaustion is good. it means the gifts the Lord has given you are being used. continue to be exhausted for the glory of Jesus. never stop. pour into each other. excel in class. show up when your friends are hurting. shine His light at work. all these things reflect Christ in us.

but don’t forget to allow Jesus to fill you back up. because when you’re drained, it’s impossible to effectively pour the love of Jesus into others. so rest. rest in the stillness of His grace. because He’s offering, and He never stops offering. so take it.

it’s ok to say no. it’s okay to recognize your limits. it’s okay to not always be present. it’s okay to take a day and just be with Jesus. it’s okay to ask for help. it’s okay to call your friends crying. it’s okay. it’s okay to not know what to do. it’s okay to not do it all on your own. it’s okay to need people.

allow him to lift your load. his yoke is easy, his burden is so lite.


1 Peter 5:7- “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”



finding joy

i was worshipping at church today and this little girl was laughing and singing and dancing around the auditorium. she was pure. holy. lovely. precious. this little girl was delighting in her heavenly father. dancing. freely. joyfully. giving Him all the praise + glory. it was beautiful. she was the epitome of what Jesus calls from us, to delight in Him.

“delight” – please someone greatly / great pleasure

there was no care in the world for this little girl. she was dancing to please her Father. as i was singing, the holy spirit whispered “live your life like her, and find joy in the everyday”

“have childlike trust. childlike joy. childlike love. childlike faith.”

i often get so caught up in my day, my agenda, my busyness that i miss the whole point in my day, to delight in jesus. that maybe dancing around an auditorium at church, blasting bethel in the car, jesus talks with friends, taking a break from school and sitting at the feet of jesus, running and admiring what an artist jesus is. i become so consumed with school, work, making time for people, ect, that i miss the joy in the ordinary, in the everyday moments.

i worship at the same place every sunday, and this beautiful little girl reminded me of what an honor and joy it is to lift my hands up in praise to my heavenly father. i long to be like her, to not care what others think, because i’m in the presence of jesus and that should be the only thing that matters!!!!

so this week, set your busyness aside and find joy in how beautiful the sunset is that jesus painted just to remind you of his goodness, a friend whose need for encouragement is a whole lot more important than your bio exam, resting in the fact that jesus has and always will provide for your every need, because he’s just that good.



i think we’ve got it all wrong. just life in general. especially us christians, life should look so much different than it actually does, and i genuinely believe it all comes down to community. i think this culture sucks at doing life together.

specifically girls.

unfortunately the ‘mean girls’ thing isn’t over in high school. for some reason, us girls get some sort of high from seeing each other suffer. or maybe we understand thoroughly what that person is going through because we’ve been through the same exact thing, but we don’t have the time, energy, or point blank: we don’t like them.

****but the thing is, saying yes to a life with jesus is saying yes to that friend that is hurting and needs you

1 peter 4:8-11 – “most of all, love each other as if you’re life depended on it. love makes up for practically anything. be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless-cheerfully. be generous with the different things God gave you

generous with our time. jesus gave us 365 days in a year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 24 hours in a day because he knew that would be enough. that would be enough to pour into each other. that would be enough to be present with each other. that would be enough to show someone that we care.

generous with our kindness. “love is patient. love is kind.” probably the most difficult verse in the bible. being kind sucks. being kind is setting aside your own self and attending to each other. its stepping outside of your pride and stepping into His humility. but man, jesus is kind to me every single second of the day.

generous with our love. the whole entire crux of jesus is love. His entire being is love. his cells are love. his atoms are love. his protons, neutrons, and electrons are love. His love is love. and thank the Lord he didn’t choose who He would love, because if that was the case I would not be one of the first He’d pick. lol i would probably be the last. so whenever you don’t “like” that friend because they sin differently than you, or they have wronged you. sit back and just think of all the times we fail jesus, but yet HE STILL LOVES US SO MUCH. you can love that friend. as a matter of fact, jesus has called you to love that friend and be there with her in her time of need. go.

people need people. because when life sucks, and it’s hard that’s when we step and say “it’s ok, we’re gonna get through this together.”

and we need to be calling each other out. genuine friendship, genuine community, genuine love is when you see that friend falling into sin, and you gently pick them up and say “no, i love you too much to let you fall away from jesus.” and you stay there with them. and you continue to call them out. gently. lovingly. gracefully. love never gives up. jesus never gave up on you. you never give up on them.

ps i know calling each other sucks. it’s not fun. i absolutely hate calling my friends out and i hate even more being called out. but honestly, when my friends take the time to step out of there selves and call me out i grow in jesus so much. so much. and that’s what it’s all about, growing in jesus.

our entire life purpose is to grow in jesus

^^^^that’s love. that’s jesus. this is what we are called to.

show some grace today. and tomorrow. and the day after that. IMG_4273 IMG_4608 IMG_4207 IMG_4245

these are my people. they are present. always. they are lovely.


trust is hard. it’s one of those things where it can go either way. you can trust someone 100% wholeheartedly and it can be glorious and wonderful, or you can trust someone and all hell breaks lose because they let you down. honestly, it can be a one time thing. they can be the most loving, kind, genuine person you’ve ever met, and the moment they let you down, it’s over. well, that’s at least where my struggle lies. i think as a society, we have expectations of people.

we have expectations that our fathers could never do anything to hurt or harm us, because they are our superhero’s. they raised us to have high standards and not take crap from anyone. ( hey dad, you did a super good job at that )

what about our best friends? they are the ones that know everything about us, and are supposed to be there forever.

what about boyfriends? there the ones you’re starting to plan your life with. they are supposed to stay, not leave.

*** and when these people do let us down, because they will more than once, more than twice, sometimes daily. offer grace. offer mercy. offer love, because we all need more of it. let’s be more patient. let’s strive to be a reflection of Christ ***

what about Jesus? he’s perfect. he’s holy. he’s love. he’s there. i’ve been following Jesus for 10 years, and i still can’t grasp that a man who i have never met, who i can’t see, who doesn’t speak to me audibly expects me to trust him with everything i have. that baffles me. but than again, i can’t wrap my head around the fact that a man loves me so much that he would be crucified on a cross and die for me. i fail him daily. i choose my own selfish desires over him too often, yet he gently picks me up and says “hey lets try this again.” that’s true, authentic, unconditional, radical love.

although my earthly father lets me down, those whom i trust the most let me down, Jesus doesn’t. it is physically impossible for Him to do so. like it’s not in his character whatsoever. the definition of Christ is love. like that depicts exactly who is and the kind of father he is to his children.

in a world full of people who are constantly letting us down, we can turn to a man who doesn’t. ever. when we are scared, he holds us and reassures us that He is a good Father and wants good things for his children. when we are confused, he takes our hand and gently leads the way and reminds us of his perfect way, and perfect timing. so trust him. allow him to take your hand and trust him. no matter what. trust him. remind yourself daily that he is a good good father and wants good things for you. 

ps if you ever have an extra few minutes during your time w Jesus, please pray for me.

pss i love you and so does Jesus, so that’s cool